Open the Door to Possibility

Wait, wait…. Don’t shut the door! Open the Door – to letting someone into your life while getting your Life Back – DOIT.

After a devastating breakup, it’s common to avoid another relationship like we avoid trigonometry, snakes, and jumping off a cliff. But a good man can make you feel elated, sexy and able to take on the world. Oh wait, no, that’s wine. Wine makes you feel that way.

Who knows what a good man can make you feel? Please share if you know!

If you allow it though, a lousy man can help you feel miserable, like you need more wine. Shut the door on that! If you’re with someone who sucks all the air out of the room, open the door; go to another room.

Sure, I miss holding hands with someone I adore. I gleefully appreciated having a door being opened for me; It made me feel sparkly and ladylike. But if he made my life dreadful, I’d rather open my own doors.

After moving into a house by myself, I realized how handy it would be to have someone to simply hold the door. The stay-open latch on my storm door didn’t work, so I’d use my elbow to push the lever down, kick my foot inside and wrap my leg around the door. I’d use my shoulder to open it wider and bump it all the way open with my hip as I quickly slipped past the door dropping boxes as it slammed on my buttocks.

I miss having a door opened for me. I’d like to know who that first woman was anyway, the one who complained about a man opening a door for her! She slammed the door on an endearing gesture, and may have damaged future generations. She surely stifled masculine chivalry.

History proves that a man holding the door for a woman isn’t the patronizing, ego-boosting, cave man gesture feminists portrayed it to be. It started sometime after women ceased wearing animal skins and began wearing those huge hoop dresses (for what reason, I’ll never understand). Women couldn’t reach the door handle because of the hoop, so men began opening the door for us so we could get into the house to start dinner.

If you’re creative, please feel free to publish your artwork of a funny cave man – holding the door for a woman in a hoop dress (below).

Once we recycled the hoops and discovered sweatpants, men continued opening doors for women, not because we were unable, but perhaps because we were bringing the groceries and beer into the house. That is why you always bring the beer in last. Once the beer makes it inside, the door-holding typically stops.

Same thing for going out the door… when we’re taking the trash out. We have two bags and a box of garbage, beer cans for recycling, compost to dump, and glass of wine hugged to our chest. If a man is standing near the door, this is when his attentiveness becomes obvious. He’s not being condescending if he opens the door for you, then quickly closes it behind you to prevent the storm from blowing into his face. He’s being a lousy useless jerk. If this occurs, swearing is allowed, and even encouraged, as you make your trek to the trash cans behind the shed (in a blizzard).

As far as car doors go, the open-for-you courtesy is probably a similar (self-serving) concept. Walking around to your door to let you out gives him time to fart, belch, and check out the pretty woman walking down the street. Or, possibly, he just likes you and wants to show you that he can be lovable and gallant.

I’m all for the helpful gesture of men opening a door for me. I just hope that if there is ever a man in my life again, he will open the door and help take out the trash in one heroic move.

In this age of empowered women, opening doors is not just for men anymore. Holding the door for a dashing stranger could open the door to letting Mr. Wonderful into your life. It might be your chance to adopt an open-door policy.

Brain Teaser: If you are entering, and look back to see that there is a hunky, handsome dreamboat to hold the door for, then he stops to tie his shoe, what do you do?

Hint: You can’t stand there for 42 seconds holding the door for him. Gawking at his tanned muscular legs is impolite. His bulging biceps can probably open the door for himself without your genteel courtesy, or curiosity. Then again, heck, you may not get another chance to trip into his arms. (I learned that maneuver from Hallmark movies.)

Let me define Basic Door-Handling-Etiquette for you.

When you notice someone coming with a load of belongings, it is polite to stand and hold the door for them, but there is an uneasy and undefined rhythm to door-control cordiality.

When you hold the door open for the person behind you, but then two more people are coming, and six more after them, you need to rethink your position. Did you intend to become the doorman? It’s a difficult decision… depending on how attractive that man at the end of the crowd stream is. You never want to miss an open-door opportunity.

Never block your own access to a new passage. You have to ask yourself… would he be worth the wait? If he gets closer and gives you the creeps, you are justified in turning around and pulling the door closed behind you.

On the other hand, if anyone yells “hey, hold the door” you have no choice.

And finally, if you are in a hurry, but notice the man of your dreams behind you, remember your manners. You can thoughtfully fall back into the door to hold it for him to pass you. Your next move is to simulate being stuck to the door. See what happens.

If you’re alone, and don’t want to be alone forever, keep opening doors, and keep the door open – especially if he is chivalrous enough to pick you up off the floor after you fell trying to open it for him. He could turn out to be a door-opener.

2 thoughts on “Open the Door to Possibility

  1. R. Janet Walraven, Author says:

    Hi, Debbie–I just finished Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses–laughed and cried my way through it. I wish I had this book 11 years ago! Or if I had read it 50 years ago, I probably wouldn’t have married who I did! Thank you for the direction, the humor, and the potato-smasher words. I chose my word: balance, but decided that wasn’t fun enough. I need to be the HEROINE of my own life. I am now living with a guy who has learned a lot from me and at the same time taught me to know my own worth. He makes me laugh. You make me laugh. I have your book on my Kindle and will read various chapters when I feel the need to be reminded of who I really am. In the meantime, this is the book I will gift to others who need to laugh and learn. You are an amazing writer–an amazing person. I do feel the need to say, I am so very sorry about the loss of your #1 Son. My heart aches for you, and at the same time, it lifted my spirits to move on in happy memories of those I have lost. Thank you for your wonderful spirit, your bravery in writing so honestly, your magnificence, wonder, and charisma. I’d love to sit down with you over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. Right now, I’m going to go to my china hutch and choose my most beautiful wine glass…actually one that I painted. Wishing you JOY in every day. Hugs!

    1. R. Janet Walraven! I feel honored that an award-winning author with your credentials found my book enjoyable! I’d love to see the beautiful wine glass you painted, and look forward to the day we share a glass together. Sometimes if you just say it – it happens. Every educator (or educated person) needs to read your book “Connect for Classroom Success.” But I can’t wait to read “Hector and Heloise in Paris”! I lived there for a while, and the Louvre was one of my hideouts. Thank you for reading, and especially for enjoying Coffee Cups & Wine Glasses. Your review touched me deeply – because you Really read what I wrote.

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